Mixed Emotions

Ever feel like the rodeo of life has lassoed you several times and you’re stuck in the middle being pulled seventeen directions at the same time?  As you try heading in one direction, sixteen things are pulling you away from your goal?  It can be very emotionally draining.  Or, perhaps there’s no goal set at all and you’re just letting the people holding the ropes pull you wherever they want.  Well, it’s time you started pulling your own strings.

First, become clear on your goals.  I have no idea what the percentages are, but I believe the vast majority of people have no clear, concise version in their minds of what they want the future to look like… much LESS a plan of action for getting there.  With no plan, your life will be pulled wherever the external influences of your life wish to take you – you’re a ship without a rudder and your chances of landing in a port of your choice are greatly reduced.

Spend some time thinking about what your IDEAL life would look like.  Break it up into categories – work, physical, material, etc., and list everything you could ever want for yourself without limits.  Let the list sit for a while, add to it, subtract from it, and when you’re comfortable some things listed you’d really like to focus on create a list in order of importance.  Then systematically attack that list.

Now you have a list of goals and your #1 objective in place – how hard was that?  Not hard at all, just took a little time and effort placed on thinking about where we’d like to go.  We are preparing you mentally to see yourself succeeding.

Take goal #1 and start thinking about the steps it will take to get you there.  Think about the obstacles you will encounter as well, which are usually the things that have stopped you from acting on a goal in the past.  “I don’t have the money”, “I don’t have the knowledge”, “I don’t have the time”… if you let these thoughts defeat you then goal #1 wasn’t really anything you truly had any passion for.  What you’re looking for are goals that stir emotion in your heart, when you look at goal #1 your thoughts should be more along the lines of “I’m absolutely going to do this no matter what appears to stand in my way”.  Then make a list of all the things that have kept you from starting on this path to attain goal #1 in the past.

Once you have your list, sort the obstacles and steps to attainment of your goal into a clear list that you can logically start working on.  Once your list is done, look it over and begin to formulate a plan for achievement by starting with the first step on your list, develop a plan for success.  How do you eat an elephant?... one bite at a time.  The goal might seem insurmountable on its own, but taken step by step you start to see and believe it can be attained.

Back to the lasso analogy we started with – instead of struggling to get seventeen places at once, you need to pick the one thing that is most important to you and pull it in by focusing your attention on attainment of that particular goal and breaking it into smaller, achievable steps.  Once goal #1 has been achieved, we focus on #2, #3, etc., until you’ve pulled all your goals into your life and are free to live however you want to.

Funny thing about goals, though – once you attain a goal new ones will show up.  You never really become free from the emotional tug of war, but you can start to take more control by using the methods described above.  Success is a journey, not a destination.

Visualize Success

If it is true that we become what we think about, (and I believe it is), then what is your vision of the future?  Do you have one?  If your vision of the future looks pretty much like where you’re at now, guess what?  You’re living your future life already.  If you have no concept of what you want your future to look like, then by default it will look very similar to the life you’re currently leading.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with this unless your current situation is something you’d like to improve upon.

If you’re looking to make a change in any area of your life, it’s important that you are able to visualize your life as it will be after making the change.  Get in touch with the feelings and emotions associated with having made the change.  You have to internalize the end and believe it for yourself for any change to occur.  Then start acting from that belief… NOW!  When you see a future for yourself and truly believe this is how things will work out, then start acting on that faith, the change is inevitable.

Belief and faith are integral parts of this equation, though.  If you wish to make a change, but internally keep telling yourself it can’t be done it will be pretty hard to succeed.  Change will occur when you have a burning desire to live the life you imagine for yourself and fuel it with the belief it CAN be done.  Faith that you can do it will come from within once you have the outcome in mind and belief that it is possible for you.

Visualize success.  Believe it for yourself.  Act on that belief with the end in mind.  Have faith.  This is the formula for creating miracles in your life.  Anything you want to change can be changed the instant you decide to act with a new future in mind.

FEED YOUR ANGEL every day.  Tell yourself why you CAN do things.  Don’t listen to the opinions of anyone trying to keep you down.  Your entire life is thought.  Do you like what you’ve created so far?  Great!  What you see and believe for your future is what you’ll get… spend some time creating the future you desire.

A boy and his mother

We went to the zoo yesterday.  There was a wood fence along one part of the zoo, about two feet high and flat on the top like a balance beam.  A small boy got up to try to walk it and was a bit unsettled and shaky at first, so he called for his mother.  She came over, reached out her hand to him, and the instant they connected everything changed for the boy.  No longer shaky of lacking confidence, he walked the entire length of the fence with no problem.

Some great analogies can be drawn here, such as: when you’re in trouble, uncertain and shaky, ask for help.  Sometimes all you need is to know there are others in your corner to give you the confidence to move forward.

Reach out and touch those around you who need assistance.  The smallest acts of reassurance can make all the difference in the lives of others.  Impacting others in a positive way becomes a habit, but you have to be open to looking for those opportunities.  Once we, as a society, develop the habit of reaching out to others, the world will see a shift in psyche.  Small acts of kindness yield huge rewards over time.

DOWN DAYS

No matter who we are, how much we work on staying positive, all the reading, meditating, journaling and praying we do… there are days we wake up “down”. Why is that? Where does a “down” day come from? We all know people who start every day down because they’ve predetermined that will be how their life and thought patterns will be for themselves. Why do days like that get thrown in to otherwise happy, positive people, though? What can be done about it?

When you have a down day, try not to get caught up in the negative emotion and let it ruin the day. Instead, look for the causes and try to view it as a learning experience. There are days that you won’t be able to find a cause. There are days that will be down because of grief, loss of a loved one, sickness in yourself, friend or family member, etc… and there are those people who suffer from clinical depression. I’m not talking about extended periods of depression here, just the occasional “down” day that happens to almost everyone now & then.

Down days can be an indicator of stress and/or poor health habits in an area of your life. If you’re in the midst of a down day, or stringing a few together, try to take some time and observe your life leading into it. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating properly? Stress at work/home/money or some other area of your life? Down days can lead you to discover things about yourself that will allow you to make changes and set a new course of action for yourself to create a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle. They can be a catalyst for change… change for the better. You have to look within to find the cause for yourself, then do the work to make the proper corrections in your life.

Using down days for your benefit can be one of the best ways to create a life aligned with your core beliefs and values. When used properly they help us correct course and move ahead in the direction our soul intended for us.

CULTURE OF HAPPINESS

Last month my wife and I had the good fortune of being able to visit the island of Barbados. The country is known for it’s laid back, care free attitude and you feel it the second you get off the plane. If the USA is a 78rpm record, Barbados runs at 33 1/3rpms or less. If you want a relaxing vacation I can’t think of a better place to go.

One of the reasons we loved Barbados so much was the attitude of the inhabitants we met. It seems like the whole country has bought into the idea that they’re living in paradise and it shows in how they treat others. I can’t think of a time we weren’t greeted with a smile and a hello, or how often the question “How are you?” would be answered with something about “living in Barbados, how could you be anything but great?”…

When you spend time around that many happy people who love their lives and have created a culture of happiness that permeates not only their lives and their families, but an entire COUNTRY, it can’t help but have a positive effect on you. We became used to the day to day life in Barbados as a matter of fact.

As soon as we got back to the Miami airport, though… reality hit us that we were back at 78rpms and were going to be treated MUCH different here. We’d smile, say hello to people and get NO response. Customer service was awful compared to what we were used to. We saw many more upset, frowning, frazzled people then we’d seen all week in Barbados.

The funny thing is that if you drove through a typical neighborhood in Barbados you’d probably think they live in squalor by US standards. VERY small houses, not well kept, tightly packed together. Yet THEY are the country that, when dealing with people on a personal level, have the better attitude. THEY are the ones who believe they’re living in paradise.

We are all one step away from living in paradise – the only thing we need to do is realize it and believe it for ourselves. Once you truly believe it, you’ll spread that goodwill to everyone you meet, your co-workers, your family, your community and your country. By feeding your own angel you’ll feed the angel in others by default. I saw it work for an entire country.

I am blessed...

My wife and I were fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend last week in Barbados. I'll be writing more about the culture of happiness in that country in a blog soon. The day we were leaving we got in the elevator to head to our final lunch on the island, really not wanting at all to have to get on a plane and fly out soon. A staff member was on the elevator and as a greeting I said "How are you"... her answer was: "I am blessed"...

Wow. It hit both of us like a ton of bricks because we were feeling the same thing, what a great life we have, what an awesome opportunity we had to be in Barbados, how blessed we are. Instead of just answering that question with standard "fine", or "doing good"... I am blessed. Aren't we all?

I think it's a great new answer to the age old question "How are you?". Reaffirms to the Universe that you truly are looking at life from an attitude of gratitude for all that you have :)

How are YOU?...

I have no enemies

I have an appointment coming up later in March with someone I see as very negative and I haven't been looking forward to the meeting at all, saw it in my schedule today and started getting all worked up about it again, which to me says "this is a teaching moment, there's something to learn here"...

So I decided to take some time to read, meditate and calm myself, try to see things in a different light.

Go to my daily reading books, open the first one "Living the Wisdom of the Tao" by Wayne Dyer.  As God is my witness, this is the chapter I was on and this is what I read:

"There is no greater misfortune than feeling I have an enemy, for when I have an enemy, there is no room for God"...

69th Verse

There is a saying among soldiers:

I dare not make the first move

but would rather play the guest;

I dare not advance an inch

but would rather withdraw a foot.

This is called

going forward without advancing,

pushing back without using weapons.

There is no greater misfortune

than feeling "I have an enemy";

for when "I" and "enemy" exist together,

there is no room left for my treasure.

Thus, when two opponents meet,

the one without an enemy

will surely triumph.

When armies are evenly matched,

the one with compassion wins.

--

I'll be going into this meeting with a different mindset now.  I think I have an inkling what I needed to learn here.  Thanks once again to two of my favorite spiritual guides, Wayne Dyer & Lao Tzu :)